


A Good Ol' Fashioned Teenage Rampage

by DontOffendTheBees



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: BDFFs!, Fuck You Gary, Homophobic Language, Irresponsible Teenage Shenanigans, Mindless Fluff, No Plot/Plotless, Sheep Brain Highs, day trip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-16
Updated: 2014-06-16
Packaged: 2018-02-04 22:23:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1795285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontOffendTheBees/pseuds/DontOffendTheBees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amy thinks Kieren's missed out on his crazy teenage years, and she and Simon are prepared to pull out all the stops to give him a wild night! Totally random, non-canon compliant plotless fun (with a bit of Gary hate thrown in. F***ing Gary.) Rated T for some very high/tipsy zombies, silly shenanigans and bad language (some of a homophobic variety. I'll say it again, f***ing Gary.) Friendship fluff with a shot or two of cute Siren for good measure :3</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Good Ol' Fashioned Teenage Rampage

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, yes, I know I'm neglecting my duties to Broken Masks- but I got a fluffy BDFF fic idea in my head, what did you expect me to do?
> 
> Anyway, this is a massive hunk of plotless fun- and honestly does not fit into the canon very well, I mean Amy's still around and with Philip but not re-humanised, and she's totally cool with Kier and Simon being a thing and I don't know I think the whole thing with Gary and the Blue Oblivion has happened but Amy didn't get stabbed and everyone's okay! Basically what we all wish had happened xD So yeah, don't expect this to fit in with the canon at all, I was just having fun!
> 
> Anyway, it's a bit bitty and probably awful since it has no real plot to speak of, but I just wanted to see my babies having a good time :3 Hope you enjoy anyhoo!
> 
> WARNING: Contains Gary being a homophobic, zombie-hating prick. As usual. With bad words. Douche. Also irresponsible teenage shenanigans and sheep's brains. You have been warned.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: In The Flesh and it's characters belong to Dominic Mitchell and BBC Three, I write this purely out of love! :3 Also the song mentioned is 'I Wanna Rock and Roll All Night' by Kiss, so music and lyrics belong to them :)
> 
> Enjoy!

"I've had an epiphany," Amy said matter-of-factly, gently prodding Kieren's nose as she brushed past him and into the house.

Kieren raised his eyebrow. "Hi, Amy, nice to see you. Won't you come in? Oh, I'm good, thanks, and you? Great."

Amy rolled her eyes, grabbing his hand and pulling him along with her. "No time for pleasantries, BDFF, I have the key to your happiness in my pocket and not a second to waste!"

Kieren allowed her to drag him through the house and up the stairs to his room, smiling awkwardly at his mum and dad as they passed and shrugging helplessly. Fortunately they seemed relatively unsurprised by Amy's display- in fact they smiled warmly as she powered by, Kieren shuffling along at her heels.

As soon as they reached his room Amy pushed him down to sit at the edge of the bed and stood in front of him, hands on her hips and a grin on her pale face. "I know why you've always got such a pouty face!"

"Because I'm a depressed teenage zombie stuck in a town where at least two thirds of the population would like to put me back in the ground, 'cause they're not keen on walking corpses who like kissing boys?" Kieren said brightly with a tight smile.

If Amy was annoyed by his use of the 'z' word, she didn't point it out. Instead she just shook her head and smiled condescendingly like she was correcting a small child. "Oh, Kieren Walker, you may be depressed and you may be undead, but you are  _not_  a teenager. You never were!"

He frowned, his brow furrowing. "What's that supposed to mean?"

She grinned and plopped herself down next to him on the bed, taking both his hands in hers. "Well put it this way- when was the last time you did something big and stupid and dangerous purely out of teenage angst and resentment?"

"One thing springs to mind," he said darkly, raising a wrist in example.

"I mean the  _good_ stupid, dumb-dumb!" she said, snatching the hand back and looking him steadily in the eyes. "When was the last time you let your rebellious teen spirit out of its cage, eh?"

Kieren shifted about uncomfortably. "I… did rebellious stuff. Me and Rick used to-"

"Hide out in a cave, drink some booze and snog a bit?" Amy completed, rolling her eyes. "Wow. Mayhem."

Kieren glared at her. "Well, excuse me for being too modest for you- I don't know if you've noticed but Roarton isn't exactly a hub of social activity!"

"Anywhere can be party central if you let it!" Amy chirped, bouncing up and down excitedly. "Which brings me to my proposal."

"Thought the wedding was off?" Kieren joked, smiling at her perkiness.

"Still is, I'm afraid," she replied, giggling. "I'm afraid Philly and I are quite blissfully happy at this moment in time, although you and Sir Pout-A-Lot are more than welcome to re-apply for the position of husband-to-be if and when there's a vacancy!"

"Noted," Kieren grinned, considering trying out the nickname on Simon later. "Come on, then- what's this new proposal?"

"Well, you obviously have a lot of pent-up teenage rage and craziness bottled up in that cute little noggin of yours," she said, lifting her hands to his face and resting them on his cheeks, shaking his head slightly. "I think it's about time we let it out!"

"What do you mean?" Kieren asked, his voice muffled slightly as her hands were squishing his cheeks together.

"I'm saying that everyone around here treats you like an irresponsible teenager anyway so you might as well have some fun with it!" She took one hand away and raised her index finger, grinning. "My proposal is this: one day of pure, unbridled juvenile madness, starting tomorrow. You, me and Simon, tearing up the town like the teenage nutbags we are deep inside! A good ol' fashioned teenage rampage: no cover-up, no contacts, no rules!" She looked at him expectantly. "Well?"

"What, no Philip?" Kieren asked, wondering if she had considered the fact that she'd be spending the whole day with her two best friends who were currently _dating_  each other.

"Nope- this is s _trictly_ BDFF time!" she said, smiling at him to assure him that she'd thought of that and was okay with it.

Kieren smiled, but then narrowed his eyes. "This unbridled juvenile madness wouldn't happen to entail anything that could be considered- oh, I don't know-  _illegal,_ would it?"

"No, 'course not!" Amy said, then reconsidered. "Well, not anything  _too_ illegal- although I wouldn't say no to a touch of harmless vandalism!"

"Amy!"

"What? What are they going to do, lock us up for a few days of our immortal undead lives?" she laughed at Kieren's scandalised expression.

Kieren stared at her. "There's no way I'm going to talk you out of this, is there?"

She shook her head, smiling sweetly.

Kieren sighed, changing tack. "How the hell do you expect to convince Simon to come on this rampage you have planned?"

She looked at him like he'd just asked her the stupidest question imaginable. "Easy, I'll tell him  _you're_ going, you muppet!"

Kieren wasn't entirely convinced that would be enough to persuade Simon to let Amy dress him up and drag him around town, but he humoured her anyway. "Fine, then," he said.

Her eyes widened. "Really? You'll do it?"

He nodded, and she squeaked excitedly.

"Yay!" she exclaimed, jumping up from the bed and springing towards the door. "You won't regret it, BDFF! We'll be round for you in the morning, bright and early! Don't bother getting dressed, you'll only have to change- no way you and Simon are embarking on our quest for chaos in those granddad clothes you love! Don't worry, I'll sort out some more suitable attire for you both!" she hopped back to him and hugged him tightly before sweeping from the room in a colourful hurricane of petticoats. "See you tomorrow!"

Kieren stared after her and sighed. What had he got himself into this time?

* * *

At half nine the next morning, Amy and Simon were on his doorstep. Simon looked sleepy, and his hair and clothes were rough like he'd just been dragged out of bed (which, going by the excitable way Amy was bouncing around beside him, was probably what had happened). Amy was carrying several bulging carrier bags, which she thrust into Kieren's arms as she entered.

"Time to get dressed," she chirped, ushering them both upstairs.

* * *

The bags, as it turned out, contained a selection of clothes that Kieren had never seen before. Most likely Amy had spent yesterday raiding the charity shops. After digging through the masses of cloth and leather Amy had flung a bundle of clothes at a still bleary Simon and ordered him off to Kieren's room to get changed before returning her attention to the fair-haired man. With an evil grin she reached into one of the bags and pulled out a small cardboard box.

"So, Kier," she said, waggling the box in her hand. "How adventurous are we feeling?"

* * *

Simon was just pushing his leg into the black jeans Amy had thrown at him when he heard raised voices through the wall.

"How about NO."

"How about  _yes_!"

"Amy-!"

"Come on, it's only temporary!"

"Amy, the last time you tried this you turned your hair green!"

"Yeah, but that was a different brand-"

" _You had to shave it off!"_

Simon shook his head and chuckled, knowing full well that Amy would get her way in the end. He glanced at the leather jacket lying across the bed.

_She always does._

* * *

"See- told you I wouldn't turn it green!"

Kieren stared at the black streaks (which frankly looked a lot closer to purple in this light) in his towel-dried hair. "I don't know that this is much better…"

"Oh, stop bellyaching!" Amy chastised, scooping another bundle of clothes from the bag and plopping them on the chair beside him. "Get yourself dressed- I'm going to make sure Simon hasn't climbed out the window!" she said perkily, picking up her own change of clothes and skipping out of the bathroom towards his door.

Kieren sighed, picking up the pile of fabric and rummaging through the motley assortment. He could already tell it was going to be a long day.

* * *

"You. Look. Bloody.  _Moregeous!_ " Amy exclaimed, pinching Kieren's cheeks as he emerged from the bathroom.

He raised his eyebrow. "Well of course you'd say that, you picked it," he said, looking down at himself and muttering. "What does this remind me of…"

He was wearing a short-sleeved button-up plaid shirt, unfastened over a long-sleeved white t-shirt with black fingerless gloves and dark skinny jeans. The plaid shirt was a couple of sizes too big for him but he supposed Amy had done the best she could with whatever second-hand shops she could find. The whole ensemble was weirdly familiar.

He looked back at Amy and chuckled. "That's probably the shortest skirt I've ever seen you wear."

Amy giggled and twirled around, the puffy purple skirt fanning out around her thighs as she spun. "I used to wear this to all the parties," she said dreamily as she twirled to a stop, beaming at him.

Kieren grinned. Despite being quite different from what she usually wore the outfit was still as Amy-ish as could be. The ruffled skirt was paired with stripy tights and a pretty purple bodice. It would have been quite elegant if it weren't for the clumpy black lace-up boots and the oversized black hoodie (which appeared to have cat ears on the hood, although he couldn't be sure without her pulling it up). He had absolutely no trouble believing that this was how his crazy Amy had dressed during her even crazier teenage years.

He heard his door click open. He turned round, ready to vehemently blame Amy for the state of his hair, but the words dried up in his mouth.

Simon stood in the doorway, shifting about uncomfortably. He was clad from head to toe in black- skinny jeans, t-shirt and Doc Martens, the look completed by the black leather jacket he had his hands stuffed into. Amy had clearly gotten to his hair too. The gel was back, only this time instead of being slicked straight down like he usually had it the front was styled into a scruffy Alex Turner quiff. He mumbled something awkwardly and rand his hand through it, dragging it slightly to the side and down self-consciously, although his fiddling didn't do much more than release a few flyaway hairs from the rigid style.

Kieren grinned. "Get a call from the Arctic Monkeys, yet?"

Simon glowered. "Breakfast Club having a reunion?" he retaliated, running a hand through his hair again and sweeping towards the staircase, Amy close on his heels. Kieren's eyes widened, looking down at himself again as the association clicked, his mind going back to one of the hundreds of films he'd been watching with his dad since getting home.

"Bender?" he said incredulously, shouting down the stairs after them. "Amy, you dressed me up as  _John Bender?"_

"Get walking, Walker!" she called back, grinning. "The day's not gonna recklessly waste itself!"

"Kieren?"

His mum's voice from down in the living room made them all jump. Amy's grin widened.

"Perfect!" she exclaimed, turning round and grabbing Kieren by the shoulders, propelling him down the hallway. "First test of your commitment to the cause, here we come!"

She paused by the door to the living room, halting him in his tracks. "Now, we have to go through there to get out, so here's your chance to be as teenage as possible!"

"Amy, what do you mean?" Kieren said wearily. He was already exhausted.

"I mean it's time to let out your inner whiney child- polite response time is over!" she said, shoving him through the door. "If I don't hear at least one groan out of you when the 'rents tell you not to get home late I'm going to assume you're prematurely middle-aged!"

"Kieren, you off out?" Steve said as soon as he fell through the door. Both his parents looked at him and their eyes widened.

"What have you done to your hair?" Sue exclaimed. Her eyes narrowed and she shouted up the stairs. "Jemima, what have you done to your brother?"

"Don't look at me, mum," the muffled response drifted down from her bedroom. "His friends are nutters!"

"What's going on, son?" Steve asked, his eyes wondering between each member of the undead trio in confusion.

"Not to worry, fam!" Amy bubbled, taking Kieren's hand and pulling him towards the front door. "We're off to rediscover our youth! Don't wait up!"

"Well, don't stay out too late, all right?" Steve said, giving his son a long look.

Amy glanced at him, and Kieren realised what she was waiting for. With a roll of his eyes he slouched his shoulders and tilted his head back.

"Da- _aaaad!"_ He moaned loudly, and he heard Amy giggling next to him.

His parents looked taken aback by the uncharacteristic whine, but Sue was smiling.

"Kier's sleeping over with us tonight," Amy chirped, beaming at his surprised parents as she dragged him the last of the way to the door. "Don't worry, we'll get him back in one piece!"

As they disappeared through the door Simon turned back to the dumbstruck family with a nervous smile. "Nothing to worry about," he said apologetically. "About time he had some fun."

Sue smiled at him and nodded. "Take care of him," she said with a meaningful look.

Simon nodded and swept out, hurrying to catch up to the hyperactive pair.

* * *

"So, Day-Trip Planner," Kieren asked as Amy propelled him out into the street, fiddling self-consciously with his two-tone hair. "What do we do now?"

Amy grinned as Simon emerged from the house, and she flung her arms round their shoulders. "The question is what  _don't_ we do now! Today, BDFFs," she said proudly, pulling them both down so all their heads were pressed together. "We live!"

Kieren laughed, stretching his arm past her back to cling to Simon's waist. "All right then, let me rephrase- where do we go now to begin our living?"

Amy hopped out of their circle of arms and pointed down the road excitedly. "I'll tell you where we're going. We're going to the supermarket to partake in that timeless teenage pastime- loitering! Hurry up, slowpokes- we have a shop to crash!"

"Gate-crashing a public place," Simon said dryly, pulling Kieren against his side as they followed a cheerfully skipping Amy down the road. "Anarchy."

* * *

"Faster,  _faster!"_ Amy squeaked, laughing as the trolley hurtled down the aisle.

"Amy, if I go any faster we'll break the sound barrier!" Kieren laughed, his boot-clad feet stomping as he pushed the trolley ahead of him.

"Never mind the bloody sound barrier, you'll launch her into orbit!" Simon panted, running beside the trolley and trying to bite back a grin.

"Well, then- Moon, here I come!" she shouted, squealing as they rounded a corner sharply and the momentum kept them rolling. Kieren aimed them towards the door and then hopped up so his feet rested on the lower rungs of the trolley, their unconventional mode of transport carrying them both with ease. He and Amy screamed in unison as the 'Trolley of Certain Death m.2' launched them across the threshold of the Shop 'n' Save and into the street, the wheels skidding loudly across the tarmac.

"Kieren!" Simon yelled, finally catching up to the derailed cart and panicking as he saw it lying on its side with its passengers nowhere to be seen. "Kieren? Amy!"

A loud burst of laughter interrupted his moment of panic and he spun his head towards the sound. The bushes across the street rustled and two dishevelled heads emerged, grimy faces plastered with ear-to-ear grins.

"That was fucking fantastic!" Kieren laughed, wading out from the prickly bushes and offering his hand to the breathlessly giggling Amy.

Simon thought about shouting at them both for being so irresponsible, but felt himself softening as Kieren's beaming face drew closer. Instead he smiled and shook his head, wrapping an arm around Amy's shoulders. "You are some crazy kids, all right!"

"Uh, excuse me, Pouty McPouterson, but I think you'll find that you mean  _we_ are some crazy kids!" Amy corrected, righting the trolley and sweeping her arm towards it with a grin. "Your chariot, my lord!"

Simon actually seemed to turn paler (as if that were even possible). "You've got to be feckin' kidding."

" _Oi!"_

The three of them jumped and spun round. The shop manager was advancing towards them, her face a mask of rage.

"Not anymore!" Amy squeaked, and before Simon could protest she and Kieren had shoved him backwards into the trolley and taken their place behind it, laughing hysterically as they made their hasty getaway to a soundtrack of profanities from the enraged shop manager at their heels and the startled Irish man in the rickety metal cart.

* * *

"No, I'm not doing it, you do it!"

"Hey, this whole day out was for your benefit!"

"It was  _your_ idea!"

"Well, you've got nicer handwriting!"

" _Do you really think that matters right now?"_

Simon rolled his eyes. The two of them had been bickering over the can of spray paint for the last ten minutes. It was just as well they weren't professional delinquents- if they were anywhere other than the dead streets of Roarton on a lazy Thursday afternoon they would have been caught by now.

"Won't one of you just feckin' write something so we can move on?" he groaned, glancing round to check that no one was coming.

"Shut up, Simon, it's not that simple!" Kieren complained, making another effort to shove the can back into Amy's hands.

"Of course it isn't…" Simon muttered grumpily.

Kieren glared at him, flicking his black and blond hair out of his eyes. "What? You think you can do better?"

Simon shrugged. "Hey, all I'm saying is if you two were pulling this kind of shite in the big city you probably would have been either caught or mugged by now. Hell, I'd probably be the one mugging you."

"Oh, I'm so scared," Kieren cried sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "What are you gonna do- get your gang together and snap your fingers rhythmically at me?"

"Hey, this stupid look was  _not_ my idea!"

"And I didn't choose to look like a member of the Brat Pack- we accept our lots in life, Simon!"

"Will you lovebirds zip it for two seconds?" Amy yelled, glancing behind them, certain that their raised voices must be attracting attention. "Let's just get on with it, okay?"

Kieren seized the can from her and thrust it at Simon. "You do it."

"What, why?"

"Well, you seem to know so much," Kieren said, smiling daringly.

Well, Simon could hardly refuse with the blond man giving him that little devil smirk. He raised his eyebrow cockily and took the can, accepting the challenge. He took a few steps to stand in front of the wall and raised the can, planting his feet and squaring his shoulders.  _Wit don't fail me now._

Ten seconds passed in complete silence, none of them moving or even breathing (not that they really needed to do that anyway).

Finally, Kieren cleared his throat. "Simon?"

Simon stood perfectly still, his arm still rigidly raised at his side. "…My mind's gone blank."

Kieren's laughter could have woken the dead (again).

The sound of footsteps in the adjacent street silenced their merriment. Kieren's eyes widened.

"Shit- let's go!"

"No, we're not done yet!" Amy complained, grabbing his sleeve. "Quick, Simon, get writing!"

"Er, right, okay…" Simon fumbled, turning back to the wall. Mind still stumbling to come up with anything remotely clever, he just scrawled the first thing that occurred to him before dropping the can and sprinting with Kieren away from the sound of approaching footsteps (although Amy hung back a moment, no doubt to add her own touch to his handiwork).

"What did you write?" Kieren laughed as they ran, his hand reaching out towards him.

Simon grinned, taking his hand and letting them swing between them as they ran. "Just a public service announcement."

* * *

"I still don't think this is a good idea…" Kieren said, eyeing the sign above the door of The Legion apprehensively.

"Aw, come on, Kier, you were doing so well!" Amy whined, nuzzling his shoulder. "You were perfectly okay with our shenanigans at the supermarket, it's basically the same thing!"

"But it's not, is it?" he countered. "This is where everyone goes- including some people we'd rather not run into. It's been just us today, I don't know if I'll be quite as relaxed when…" When what? When he was surrounded by all the people he hated? Who hated him in return? Who'd treated him like the weird kid and the uncontrollable monster even when he'd tried his best to fit in? Yes, exactly.

"I thought this might happen," Amy said, reaching into her shoulder bag. "Fortunately, Amy the beautiful genius thought ahead!"

Kieren turned to her and his jaw dropped as her hand emerged from the bag clutching a small plastic box. "No!"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not suggesting you get completely smashed, you numpty- just a bite or two to loosen up, eh? It's just like being tipsy!"

Kieren pushed the box away. "I'm not getting high on sheep's brains, Amy."

"Why not?"

"Because…" Kieren realised he couldn't really come up with a good answer. Because it was yet another way in which he was different to everyone else? Because it was confirming every cliché everyone had ever believed about his kind?

"Because you're scared of letting yourself go?"

Kieren turned to Simon, surprised by the fact that he'd spoken, and even more surprised that he seemed to have struck upon the right answer. "Yeah…"

Simon smiled understandingly, reaching out and taking his hand again. "Don't be. I've seen you fight off Blue Oblivion, remember?" he said with a grin. "I'm sure you can handle a little extra buzz. Besides, we'll be right here to keep an eye on you."

He felt Amy clutch his free hand, confirming the statement. Kieren looked back up at the sign and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He opened them, his face set in determination. He released his friends' hands and held his own out to Amy, palm up.

"Hit me."

* * *

" _I wanna rock and roll all niiiiiiiiiight! And part-ay every day!"_

"Jesus," Simon muttered, staring at the enthusiastic blond man singing and dancing to Kiss in the middle of the pub. "What a lightweight."

Amy giggled as she snapped yet another photo. Something told Simon that those pictures would be finding their way into various people's post boxes for some time to come.

They'd been greeted by stony faces on their entrance to the pub, but after the brains had kicked in and Kieren had started enthusiastically air-guitaring with the jukebox on full blast many of the human patrons had cleared out. A few stragglers remained, including a very bemused looking Dean watching the scene from the bar. Amy and Simon hung back, watching their tipsy BDFF cut a rug (which was really just him leaping about in an uncoordinated tangle of long limbs, but they weren't going to begrudge him a good time. The kid deserved it).

When the song finished Kieren staggered back over to them, eyes wide and smile glowing.

"What are you miserable bastards doing hanging back here?" he exclaimed, grabbing Amy's hand and tugging it insistently. "This isn't time for sitting- this is time for dancing! Dance time!"

Amy laughed, allowing him to pull her upright. "Well then- lead the way, good sir!"

Simon chuckled as he watched them both spinning giddily towards the centre of the floor, smiles lighting the room. His eyes lingered on Kieren fondly, still looking just as perfect as ever even with his hasty punk hair ruffled and his face broken by a tipsy grin. Beautiful.

"'Ey up, Rotter."

Simon reluctantly tore his gaze from Kieren, his eyes narrowing as they settled on the owner of the voice.

"Gary."

* * *

"I bloody love you, Amy!" Kieren exclaimed, laughing as she stepped on his foot for at least the fiftieth time. At least it didn't hurt him anymore.

"Love you, too, dumb-dumb!" Amy laughed as he twirled her round clumsily, almost trapping her arm behind her back in the process.

"I'm sorry about shouting earlier!" he said, taking her hands again and waltzing her round (even though whatever song was playing was most definitely not a waltz). "About the dye and the paint and-"

Amy waved his apology off, grinning. "Shut up and dance, Kieren Walker!"

He smiled even wider. "So you're not angry at me?"

"Of course not- you're my BDFF!"

"Best Dead Friend Forever!" They chanted in unison, giggling happily.

"So, you had fun, then?" Amy asked, her tone both delighted and smug.

"Best day of me life!" Kieren answered honestly, twirling her round again. "And that's  _not_ just the brains talking!"

She laughed, prodding his chest. "See, now didn't I tell you I'd found the answer to all your troubles? Who's the genius now, eh?"

He pulled her into a hug, smiling into her hair. "You were always the smart one."

"And the pretty one," she joked, hugging him back tightly. "And the funny one. And the muscle. Looks like all the positions have been filled already, my dear!"

"Hey I'll give you all the other ones," Kieren said, pulling back to look at her face. "But  _clearly_ I'm the pretty one."

They both burst into laughter so loud it practically made Dean jump out of his skin from where he sat. Amy grinned happily at her best friend, and raised an eyebrow suggestively.

"Well, I know  _someone_ who'd agree with you," she said smoothly, her eyes wondering back to the table they'd left.

Kieren followed her gaze, the grin on his face freezing as he looked for Simon and found someone else standing in front of him.

"Amy, is that…?"

* * *

"Didn't think I'd see your rotten faces around here again," Gary sneered, his eyes wondering between Simon and his two friends on the dance floor. "Not after your boy toy went rabid in front of all them people at the march. I'm surprised Pearl's even letting you lot in here-"

"You mean when  _Kieren_ went rabid after  _you_  forced the Blue Oblivion down his throat?" Simon said coolly, his impassive face masking the rage boiling under the surface.

Gary snorted. "Makes no difference how he got it, if y'ask me," he said dismissively, glaring at the dancing couple. "Rotter's a rotter, drugs or no drugs. I just made sure everyone saw it is all," he looked back to Simon and his sneer returned. "'Sides, it's my word against yours- and who 'round here's gonna take the word of a shifty, rotten,  _faggot?"_

Simon jumped to his feet so quickly his form practically blurred. He seized the collar of Gary's shirt and pulled him forward, their faces inches apart and his milky eyes burning into the human's with fiery intensity.

"Are we gonna have a problem, here?" He said calmly, a lot more calmly than he felt.

Before Gary even had a chance to answer, Simon felt a hand on his shoulder from behind. He turned his head slightly, enough to keep an eye on Gary while still finding out who had approached him.

Kieren's puzzled face greeted him. "Can we have one night out that  _doesn't_ end in a pub brawl?"

Simon's expression didn't soften, but he reluctantly loosened his grip on Gary's collar. "He started it."

Kieren rolled his eyes. "Wow, that's mature."

Simon smirked, removing his hands from Gary altogether. He'd gladly put off getting even if it would keep Kieren happy. "Hey, teen for the day, remember?"

Kieren's goofy smile was back, and his arm flopped around Simon's shoulder affectionately. "I like teen Simon," he purred (although in his state it was more of a drunken slur). "You should dress like this more often," he said, and Simon saw him cast a glance at Gary, as if daring him to say anything. "Quit with the jumpers. You always wear turtlenecks and you don't even  _have_ a turtle neck! In fact, you have a  _sexay_  neck…" he purred, nipping at the said sexy neck affectionately.

Gary shook his head in disgust, brushing past them both on his way to the door. "Fucking fags..."

"Yep, that's us!" Kieren confirmed cheerily, kissing Simon's cheek with a grin. "Big fucking fags! Well, okay, I'm only half fag, but still!" he watched with satisfaction as a thoroughly defeated Gary stormed out, then turned back to Simon with a small smile. "You okay?"

Simon shrugged, his hands slipping into his jacket pockets. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay," he mumbled, glaring after the ex-captain. "Just got enough of that shite from people  _before_ I crawled out of my feckin' grave, I'm getting pretty bloody sick of it."

"Preaching to the choir, babe," Kieren said, wrapping his arm round Simon's waist and pulling him out towards the dance floor (AKA the large section they'd cleared by shoving as many tables as possible away from the centre), nuzzling his face against his shoulder.

Simon looked surprised. "Did you just call me 'babe'?"

Kieren winced. "There's a decent chance that I'm still inebri-inebriated. Yeah."

Simon laughed, but his arm around Kieren's shoulder went slack. "Of course. Well, tell you what, I'll let you off the hook if you say anything else stupid for tonight, yeh lightweight."

Kieren's brow furrowed. "What have I said that's stupid?"

Simon shrugged. "Well, there was all that business about my sexy neck-"

"Statement of fact, ask anyone," Kieren countered with a goofy grin.

"Then there was the whole 'babe' incident," Simon said, biting back a grin of his own.

Kieren shrugged with a little nervous smile. "That just kind of slipped out…"

Simon smiled and shrugged, flimsily masking his disappointment. "Hey, no harm done."

"No, you know what?" Kieren said firmly, putting his hands on Simon's shoulders. "You're right. You always say nice stuff to me, and you compliment me even when I don't deserve it, and I don't do shit in return!"

"No, Kieren, that's not what I was trying to-" Simon began, but Kieren waved him off impatiently.

"No, no, hear me out," Kieren rambled on. "Because you're actually a pretty fuckin' great guy when you want to be and I don't really appreciate it enough so here it is, from me to you-  _exactly_ how I feel about you!"

Simon realised he must have stopped breathing and didn't really care.

"Simon, I think you're…" Kieren's tipsy face crinkled in thought, his addled brain searching for the right word. Simon was always so good at choosing words, always saying the right thing. He hoped that, just this once, he could return the favour.

"Smashing!" he said loudly, smiling proudly. Nailed it.

Simon just stared at him for a moment.

Then his shoulders shook and his arms wrapped around his stomach as he burst into uncontrollable guffaws, Kieren's sweetly confused face looking on in bemusement.

"…Was that okay?" Kieren asked nervously.

Simon straightened up, his body still shaking from the giggles. "Yeah, course it was, you daft muppet," he said, grinning at the confused boy in front of him.  _Jesus, of all the people to fucking fall for…_

Kieren smirked and leaned in. "Wanna know a secret?"

Simon chuckled and leaned in as well. "Sure."

"I'm not as high as you guys think I am," he whispered, meeting Simon's gaze steadily.

Simon looked stunned. "Wait, so… you haven't been drunk on brains this entire time?"

"Oh, no, I've  _definitely_ been drunk on brains," Kieren clarified with a grin. "Which, I have to say is pretty fun! But I'm not as completely smashed as you guys think."

"How do you mean?" Simon asked.

"Well, I may be a little more hyper than usual," he said, ignoring Simon's little snort at the understatement. "But I'm still sober enough to be present, you know? Make advised decisions and whatnot."

"What's your point?" Simon asked with a confused frown.

"My point is- don't put what I do next down to blind drunkenness."

Simon didn't have time to ask any more questions before Kieren's mouth was on his, his hands wondering up to grab him by the lapels of his jacket. Despite his initial surprise Simon wasted no time in returning the kiss, his hands reaching up to cup Kieren's face and run through his already ruffled hair. His eyelids fluttered closed and he lost himself in the kiss, the noise of the jukebox and the hushed whispers of the remaining onlookers fading to background noise.

When they pull apart Kieren tilts his head down and smiles, looking up at Simon through his eyelashes. "You know what, Simon?"

"What?" Simon asked, his smile threatening to split his face in two.

"This really has been the best day of my life," Kieren murmured.

Simon grinned. "Same. But only so far…"

He leaned in and pressed his lips to Kieren's once again, and felt his dead heart leap in his chest as the wonderful man kissed him back.

* * *

As soon as Amy felt she had given the lovebirds enough time to themselves she'd re-joined the group and been welcomed with open arms. The three of them had kept dancing until Pearl had ordered them out at two a.m., and they shared in the age-old teenage ritual of lurching home drunk in the middle of the night, leaning on each other's shoulders as they staggered and sang their way through the tranquil streets of Roarton. Their spirited rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody set a few curtains twitching in their wake, but no one came out and told them to stop- Kieren wondered if that was because they were scared of zombies or scared of teenagers. Knowing Roarton, probably both. They weren't to know that only one of the happy trio was actually technically still a teenager (or had been when he died) - by this point in the evening even the bordering-on-thirty Irish man with his arms around his friends' shoulders had lost ten years from his smiling face.

As soon as they got back to the bungalow they had collapsed into a heap on the floor of the living room (Amy insisted that the chairs and beds were off-limits, no self-respecting teenage party animal slept on an actual comfy surface after stumbling home in the small hours). They were still chattering excitedly, spirits too high for sleep as Amy decided to put on a DVD.

Ten minutes into  _Hot Fuzz,_ she was out like a light.

Kieren smiled down to where her head rested on his chest, her arms wrapped snugly round his torso and her habitual breathing deep and even. He tilted his head back slightly. Simon's eyes were closed, his back pressed against the sofa and his hand gently cradling Kieren's head in his lap, the other hand resting lightly on Amy's back. Kieren thought for a moment about how ridiculous they must look- dressed in their ill-fitting clothes with their sloppily styled hair dishevelled beyond recognition, sleeping off the remaining fuzziness of their high in a hamster pile on the floor at half two in the morning, dozing off in front of the TV like children (or a group of senior citizens) in their little tangle.

Then he realised he didn't care.

He smiled up at Simon and nuzzled his face against his stomach, wrapping his arms around Amy's sleeping form and closing his eyes.

"Thanks, guys…" he murmured, drifting contentedly into sleep as he felt the weight of eighteen years of fear (and a few more besides) lift from his mind. At least for the time being.

* * *

It is nearly three o'clock in the morning, and the streets of Roarton are steeped in shadows and silence.

A sound breaks the silence. Several sounds, actually- the steady clump of heavy, drunken footsteps.

Gary stomps through the quiet streets, raising the bottle of cider to his mouth for another swig. One thing was for sure, this wasn't the last time he'd be getting drunk in the street now that those rotters had colonised The Legion. He bristled at the way those gay rotten bastards had strutted around in front of him, their dead eyes practically undressing each other in front of the whole pub. It made him sick. Someone needed to put those freaks in their place.r

A flash of bright pink caught his eye. He squinted in the gloom, blinking through his fuzzy vision.

Spray paint. Bright pink spray paint, scrawled across the wall. It took his foggy brain a few moments to decipher the hasty scribbles, and when he finally made sense of it he scowled angrily.

Stamped across the wall were the words 'Gary is a wanker' (well, actually it looked more like 'wonker', but he put that down to the rush in which the message had clearly been written). He also noticed with bewilderment that the 'i' had been dotted with a little smiley face.

He shook his head and took another swig, turning to continue along his lonely route.

"Fuckin' kids," he muttered.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, fuck you Gary.
> 
> Hope you had as much fun as I did! I'd better get back to Broken Masks now, I'm sorry I've kept you waiting so long but... well, what can I say, I'm a terrible person xD
> 
> Until next time!


End file.
